Monday night – did not go well

Well even though Alice invited us out, Vil failed to get her phone number (silly Vil) and it was up to him to arrange it with Terry. As I predicted all along, Terry was not happy with us going out with his friend, so he made up a lie that Alice had no money, and then they all went out anyway, without us. I rang him that night, after not talking to him all weekend, and he was drunk and very argumentative. He said some REALLY hurtful things, and kept calling me a c*nt for no reason at all. Apparently the reason he didn’t talk to me all weekend was because he heard that Zoe and I were meeting up to sort out our differences, and was angry at me both for doing it, and for “not telling me and making me have to find out off her!”. Well, he can’t blame me for doing it, as she was the one who asked me to meet her, I simply went along with it. As for not telling him, well he wasn’t talking to me at the time anyway, she told me its best not to tell him cos it would piss him off, and also – its none of his business!! He talks to my friends, and has befriended one of them (Vil) so why can’t I talk to his friends!? Its outrageous.

Needless to say I am *very* pissed off. My parents are now on holiday, so I have the house to myself pretty much all day until my sister gets back at teatime, so this could have been a great time to have Terry over, have him round for tea, maybe stay the night. But he’s just messed it all up. And Jenny and Laura aren’t very pleased that we’re not getting on – us moving in together was NOT a good idea, I see that now, he should have thought harder about it before suggesting it! And now I feel like it’s my fault we are going to have a crap time next year, and the year after.

So angry!!!! Been expressing myself on deviantART, heh, I’ve done some photos and also written a poem for the first time in my life!! Check it out, my username is webbunny.

Why Hurt Me?

Why do you try to hurt me so much?
You lied to me, cheated, betrayed all my trust.
And now you’re telling me it’s my fault; that I am to blame?
That you love me no more, that it just ain’t the same?
You’ve gone and made your bed and now *I* have to sleep in it,
You just wanted your cake and you wanted to eat it
You wanted some space and that’s fine, but do tell:
Why you couldn’t have space and then see me as well?
You say you need to see your friends, that they’re always there,
But take a good look at them all, do they honestly care?
They’d rather see you lonely than with someone like me
Because I want time together, want us to be free.
They were threatened by me because once, way back then
You’d rather see me than go and see them.
I’m sick and tired now of being your little secret,
Your friends can’t mean that much to you or you wouldn’t keep it.
You lied to us all, it’s just a game to you,
You play with my feelings, can’t see it from my view.
Don’t you remember when you said we were forever?
You wanted to move in, marry, be together.
You convinced me and all of my friends it was true
That I was all that you wanted; just me and you.
But then you got bored, and instead broke my heart
You slept with some slapper, my world crashed apart
We had a great sex life, “best you’ve ever had”,
So why’d you sleep with her when you’re gay – you’re just mad.
Are you lashing out to me, knew that was worst you could do?
Or if you’re still unsure what you are – then you and me are through.
You asked for forgiveness after just a few weeks,
Say it’s been hell without me, can’t get no sleep,
Say you’ve missed me so much, you love me, you’ve changed,
Now its a month later and you’re exactly the same.
Even though you are with me, I’m still so alone.
You never even bother to pick up the phone,
I go days without hearing from you, it hurts me so much
Surely if you loved me you’d want to keep in touch.
Sometimes when I lay at night and I cry,
I can actually feel a small part of me die,
The part that loves you, trusts you, wants us to be wed.
The same’s happened to you – the man I fell in love with is dead.
Now you say you’re having “so much fun without me”
Well you better get used to it – it’s how its gonne be.
We were 2 years in the making – proper fairytale come true
Now its 12 months later and I’m not in love with you



I’m now off to enjoy my first day of freedom from parents, am going to post later again cos I’ve just looked at the blog statistics for July 2004 and boy are they interesting, so will fill you in on that later.

– Shaun

3 responses to “Monday night – did not go well

  1. Poor Shaun,

    You didn’t have a good feeling about Monday night – and you were right.

    Yes, I do agree Terry doesn’t have any right to tell you what to write in your blog, but I feel it does affect him if people you both know read it. He is not as open as you are and probably feels threatened by it. It could be a great tool for him to use (if he were a communicator – and most guys his age aren’t) as your feelings are out there, but he either can’t or doesn’t want to. The parents being away could be a good opportunity to sort things out with him. Away from everyone – you have nothing to loss – give it ago. DON’T worry about next years living arrangements. Those sort of things have away of working themselves out and Uni is a whole new world with a whole new lot of people – thank god! Talking to drunks (especially abusive ones) is never a good idea, you get hurt and they often can’t remember what they said or did!

    I hope I haven’t come across tp preachy (I’m just trying to give a honest comment), let me know if you are sick of me and I’ll leave you alone!

    I tried to access you deviantArt – they wouldn’t let me in without your password. When I tried an independent search I got ‘due to overwhelming demand searches are limited to subscribers only for the time being.’ Lots of love Mia x

  2. death to terry the terrible, RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, he will face my wrath…anyway great poem!!!!!!! i really liked, not just coz i like depressing stuff but it was well expressed. *hugs*

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