Last night, and tonight

Last night I saw Terry. He angers me so much as to how different our views are, he watched the same episode of “Missing you already?”, a show where couples with a straining relationship are seperated for a month, and see a counsellor to see if their relationship is able to be saved. Well, I totally sympathised with the girl, her man was using her cheating on her – the works. But Terry sympathised with the guy, who was a total player and a bastard, but Terry said “she’s just too clingy and annoying, I would just wanna slap her!” with a big grin on his face. ARGH how can anyone be that uncaring!?

Anyway, we talked for a bit, and although things seemed worked out (we were certainly “close” again, not been like that for so long) I still have the niggling thoughts in my mind about everything thats happened. My main concern is his difficulty with telling his friends about me, and not wanting to go out in public. Fortunately, that will change when we move – as Jenny and Laura are our mutual friends, they’re not MY friends and TERRYs friends, which is what it is like now (with maybe the exception of Vil). And we will go out and have fun and hopefully we can patch everything up. If not, I guess he will move out after a year and we will just end it then 🙁

Eddy made a really good point I thought about how people change in a relationship. It makes the term “the honeymoon is over” make sense, now that we have been together so long we are no longer really trying to make a good impression or to make the other person happy, we are just trying to make ourselves happy, and thats why relationships get sour towards the end. So it takes a lot of effort.

Another friend told me we are constantly changing and evolving, telling me this quote:

“I live on Earth, at present, and I don’t know what I am. I know that I am not a category. I am not a thing—a noun. I seem to be a verb”
Buckminster Fuller

Whatever happens, I just want to be happy. I realise I could probably be a lot happier without Terry (not because he is a bad person or anything, but because the current situation makes it difficult to be happy) but a part of me needs him, and won’t let me be happy without him. Thats the difference between Terry and I – I am emotionally attached, and need to know he loves me to be happy. He is emotionally unattached, and does not see me as a vital part of his life, just as a ‘bonus’, if thats the right word. DISCLAIMER: In case Terry reads this and gets pissed off, this is my OPINION, I’m not ‘telling you what you think’ (something he always accuses me of)

So, enough about that. Tonight is Vilius’ birthday booze-up! Exciting! So going out around 8 or 9ish, hopefully inviting Dan if he ever answers the bloody phone, and going to get wrecked and have a great time. I have free entry tickets to Zoots and lots of free drink tickets so defo going to have a good time! Terry is at his brother’s wedding, with Zoe, getting drunk so no chance of bumping into him and having unforceen consequences. Just a good night out, something I haven’t had in a long time. Not since I came back from uni in fact! I tried to invite Katie but she’s working nights this week – will have to do lunch with her sometime or something.

Thats all for now!

Shaun